hollyberry99

hollyberry99 @ 2009-09-14T20:40:00

2009-09-15T00:42:03Z

The anger and humiliation i feel is so unbearable. I cant concentrate on school or friends or anything. Every tme i feel like im forgetting, there they are. Just a fucking slap in the face. i havent been this angry in a long time. I want everyone to just disappear and leave me the hell alone. I need this weekend.

hollyberry99 @ 2008-02-23T14:56:00

2008-02-23T20:03:42Z

i have a question for all of you.

I keep having these dreams that one of my friends ODs on drugs and gets really sick. Its always the same friend although the setting is different. Its really freaking me out because i keep having them. So my question was if these dreams mean anything or if its just a coincidence or something. i honestly have no idea what to make of them.

A pretty little daughter that we call Mexi.....

2007-12-31T18:16:16Z

Ahhhh i suppose its the unfortunate blend of people who overthink everything and people who dont think at all. I find it so strange that as much as i hate everything, theres very little i want to change. Emphasis on very little. Ohhh you have no idea how much im looking forward to New Years. i need some familiar faces. I need things to at least appear normal for once. Its foolish of me to believe that this year will be any different though. A thought randomly jumped in my head just now that maybe this year never happened. I threw that one out about .2 seconds after it jumped in. I couldnt possibly pretend this year never happened. Wayyy too much has happened. Way too many things have changed, and i cant forget any of it no matter how hard i try. And believe me i have tried. I really really wish i could believe that this year will be better but i cant seem to make myself believe it. And it wont ever get better unless i do believe it. So until i decide to just grow some balls and do something, i probably will be stuck like this forever. Woo.

Ps. i love Brandie, Grace, Ashley, and Nicole for actually responding and agreeing with my wonderful idea.

PPs. And uhhhhh. apparently Jake has a vagina. who knew???

Why on earth......?

2007-12-29T16:17:33Z

Im sorry. i am just a huge fucking idiot whos very confused right now.

Its not what you think.

I wish i was just a huge bitch who just did whatever she wanted without caring about other peoples feelings.

Unfortunately im not.

Gahhh i hate my life.

hollyberry99 @ 2007-12-27T23:10:00

2007-12-28T04:17:41Z

please please please dont drink your life away. Youre so much better than that and its not worth it. i dont know what to do with you anymore. its not fun and games anymore. youre killing yourself and its killing me to watch.

Someone please tell me how to help her. i love her so much.

they call me wonderful....

2007-11-11T17:45:44Z

WICKED = AMAZING!!

my family is sick of hearing me talk about it. Ive never felt more like a dork in my life.

Actually i have.

It pleases me that i dont need you anymore. I have so much better things to do with my life now. And i have some self esteem now.
I do feel bad that im glad you dont look so happy. Talk about schadenfreude. Im a horrible person. I guess im just glad that its not the other way around. I have the upper hand for once. Im probably going to hell but w/e.

I wish i could sing.
Like really sing.
Not just that whiny noise that comes out everytime i open my mouth.
I love how ms katz thinks im a whiny bitch
But thats just how my voice sounds.
welcome to my life.

hollyberry99 @ 2007-07-14T21:44:00

2007-07-15T01:58:19Z

i never write in this anymore but whatever. I am the epitome of laziness. i tried like 3 times to get together with one of my friends and all of them fell through so i just gave up. im not even sad like i was before. Just pretty pissed off. I know maybe i didnt give them enough chances but i still think they're just playing stupid now. W/e. i dont even care. I just love it how they must think i ditched them for richie when i told them a kajillion times i really sincerely was busy. I never noticed i was left out until the summer. When my living hell ended and i was free. When i waited by the phone. Forever. And no one called. Not one. Except richie. So congratulations guys. Im hanging out with richie 10 times more than you. Why? Not cuz i want to. But because he cares enough to call. And he doesnt leave me out of things. Ok so maybe you forgot to call that one night? Well how about the past 10 times? And what about when i call to go to the movies, you say youre busy, then ask someone else? Im not that retarded. I hear and see things. its pretty easy when you dont even try to hide it. But ok. im not mad. Hell, ill even take all of you back in a second if you want. But im sick of degrading myself. Of making myself feel pathetic just to have you avoid me and go off with your other friends. I may have lost all of my friends. But i would prefer to keep my dignity. Now that ive spoken my mind. Finally. I wish you sincerely to have a nice life. Its now up to you whether im in it or not. Im done trying.

MARSHALTON!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-08T19:37:00Z

today i stayed home from school cuz i had no finals. me and my mom went to my brothers field day and then we went to the Olive Garden for lunch. And who did we see walking in at the same time but Brittany Smith and her mom, and Amanda and her parents!!! So we all had lunch together. I love those girls. My mom had fun too cuz her and Mrs Remse have been friends forever and she likes Mrs. Smith too. Me and Amanda ate so much gelato we could hardly move. Tonights im going to Sarah Woods. Shes one of the sweetest people ever. I just love her. Im wicked afraid of scary movies though. i hope i dont pee my pants or something like that. ha. There is really no purpose to this. im only procrastinating on my math homework. See you all on monday.

hollyberry99 @ 2007-06-05T16:01:00

2007-06-05T20:16:09Z

I've been having this sinking feeling for like a week and a half. It feels like ive been trying so hard to be happy and in a good mood and the whole world's out to get me and trying to bring me down and put me in a bad mood. I know this isnt true of course but its just what it feels like. Im not blaming any one person or even if i can blame anyone. i keep telling myself to just wait till summer and then things will get better but things just keep going from bad to worse for me and i keep feeling like this summer wont be all that good. Im trying so hard to be optimstic but life just keeps shitting in my face right now. And its all aspects too. Friends, boyfriend, school, and just life in general. The only fun thing that i can possibly think of right now is chorus today. It was just so fun. We had so much energy and we were singing songs we've never sung before and actually singing them right! Thats the best feeling in the world. When you start out knowing nothing about a song with a bunch of people who also know nothing then as the music starts, you suddenly know everything. It all just comes together. Of course we get that all the time in chorus but its a gradual experience so you dont notice it as much. Working on a song for months kind of dulls the feeling of togetherness. But today, all those feelings that are normally spread out over months was jammed all in about an hour and the result was overwhelming. I know everyone else felt it too because kids that are normally quiet and shy were suddenly loud and singing their hearts out with the rest of us. And i couldnt believe how good they sounded! It was just great. I suppose the hail storm today was cool too but other than these shining moments, my life for the past week and a half has basically sucked. Im still trying to be upbeat though and im still going to wait for the summer. Thats all i can do for now.

hollyberry99 @ 2007-05-31T16:31:00

2007-05-31T20:48:41Z

Well my interview with hannaford was today. i think it went pretty well. i didnt say anything stupid which was good, but i was trying to come up with something shes never heard before. no chance. my answers were about as simple as they come but w/e. i find out on monday if i got the job. yesterday was baccalaureate. it was very nice. i cant wait for ours. im going to miss some seniors but there are some that im definately glad to be rid of. As a matter of fact, i cant wait for graduation so ill never have to see a few of them again!! its mean but its the truth in some cases.
you know what i really hate? PEOPLE WHO CANT GET HINTS THAT I DO NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im not a mean person. i cant just say straight out, "i dont ever want to see your face again." but i have used every innuendo way of saying that and still it does not go through. im terribly sorry and i sound like such a bitch i know. but i cannot take it anymore and its embarrassing me. JUST GO AWAY!!!!!!!!
ok, now that im done my venting, i feel alot better and i think ill study my lame french now. :)

Pourquoi Christophe, pourqoui??????

2007-05-30T00:15:49Z

I just read Yellow Wallpaper for english. It creeped me out like woah. Now im prolly gonna have nightmares about "creeping women." Scary shit. im rather upset. I almost completely lost my parents trust. And what did i do?? Nothing. My sister was a dick and now me and my brother are gonna have to pay for it. Especially me though. Cuz shes almost completely positive me and richie are having sex. Although she cant do anything cuz she has no proof. (There wouldnt be because we're not!!!) She gave me the whole lecture about how if i get pregnant she'll kick me out of the house and so on. As if i didnt hear her the last million times! We're at a dilemma because i tell her were not doing anything we shouldnt and she says, why should i believe you?? and all i can say is, because im you daughter and you should trust me. but thats not good enough for her. Especially now. Brittanys her daughter too and my mom though she could trust her and look what happened. i can see where my mom is coming from but im not my sister. i shouldnt have to pay for her mistakes. My mom still hasnt told my dad. She doesnt know whether she should or not. i hope she doesnt cuz im afraid for my sister if my dad finds out what shes done.

"Dont worry. Its ok to look."

2007-05-27T20:14:05Z

Friday, saw Pirates 3 with sarah, mandy, katie, megan, and sarah wood. Me and sarah wood are alot closer now. Me happy. :) We cheered each other up the whole time and talked about why boys are stupid. :) Yesterday i couldnt go to amandas party. waaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i went to the mall with liv. yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! we had a splendid time. but it was creepy cuz she kept reading my thoughts.
I DO NOT MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Livs getting me an application to hannaford so i might be working there over the summer!! Im so happy. I think i would die if i didnt have a summer job. id be so unbelievably bored and not to mention completely broke. Plus ill be able to work with liv and chris muchata!!! Hooray. Panera bread basically makes the best sandwiches ever. Period. Im pissed cuz my dad said we cant afford to get me a new rug and windows for my room yet somehow we have enough money to make another driveway and buy a new door!! We do not need those things and im living with a rug thats over 20 years old and windows that are rotten and moldy!!! Plus, my shade broke so im using beach towels draped over my nasty window as a shade. its pissing me off how im living in a ghetto room while they build another driveway we dont need. My room is the oldest room in the house that has not been renovated. Figures. Ill talk to my parents about it. maybe they'll change their minds. In the meantime, ive got a Sim family thats calling my name so ttfn.

hollyberry99 @ 2007-05-07T19:50:00

2007-05-08T00:03:45Z

Went for a motorcycle ride with ma daddayyyy today. It was the first time this year. I've missed it alot. Mortorcycle rides are one of the highlights of my summer. You feel so free kinda like when you do on a roller coaster but not as extreme or nauseating. Whenever i talk to people about my dad driving one, 99% of them say, "yeah my dad had one but my mom made him stop when they got married/i was born." That always shocked me cuz i think my mom love the motorcycle almost as much as my dad does! I guess i can kinda see where these people are coming from but i cant say i agree. Motorcycles are just as safe as cars when driven properly. They've just gotten a bad rap because most of the people who drive them are irresponsible or just dont know how to drive one correctly. My dad will be the first to say that when he was young, he was reckless and didnt really care about safety or really anything for that matter. And yes, he got in a few accidents because of it. But hes smartened up since them and he's learned that his accidents were only because of his stupidity not because of the bike. And he hasnt gotten into another accident since. But he has gotten into plenty more car incidents since then. It really just depends of fate i guess. If you believe in that sort of thing. I really hate it when people say they are to afraid to even ride one.I just want people to maybe be not as afraid because they're really missing out on something special. I wouldnt ride with just anyone but i trust my dad becauser i know hes a good driver, and i encourage everyone to ride with someone whos a good driver too. Once i've had my car license for a few years, i plan on getting my motorcycle license. And i do plan to drive it responsibly. I hope everyone will give it a chance.

God knows you've got me sewn......

2007-05-05T16:20:24Z

Brittany Smith slept over last night. After we went with Mandy to see Spiderman. I hate going to first night showings but i really need to get my social life back and i miss my friends like the dickens. We planned on talking all night but we only talked for about a half hour before we both conked out. Now i just need to hang with my lovers Sarah and Kathleen. I miss them so much. I miss Richie too who is camping right now in the middle of the wilderness. Not really but it makes it seem more exciting doesnt it? I have so much homework to get done this weekend including this stupid french project that i have no frickin idea what to do. I feel extremely lonely even though Brittany hasnt been gone for 30 minutes yet. Ive been like that lately. i used to not mind being alone but lately ive been petrified of not being with someone for one second. I think its just cuz im extremely sick of my family right now but who isnt nowadays? Me and brittany were talking today about how people have changed since middle school. It seems like only me and my friends are the ones who havent changed. Or maybe we're too blind to see it. Well im sure we've changed a little. High school does that to everyone. But we're more or less the same people we always were. But there are some people who've made huge dramatic changes and usually for the worst. There are some people who i used to be almost best friends withand now i hardly recognize them. I just wish people would realize that they dont have to impress anyone. That they had plenty of friends when they were just being themselves. I hate that because i used to be like that in middle school and now i look back on it and i feel stupid and like a wasted those years trying to be someone im not. I just want to shake those people and make them see that to save them from the painful realization i had. But i know it won't do any good. Its just one of those things they have to figure out for themselves. I just hope they dont make a mistake that they can't fix. Im afraid for a few of those people. And it makes it worse that all i can do is watch while they ruin their lives.

heres a riddle for you......

2007-04-28T19:09:05Z

Todays our last musical performance. Im feeling that feeling that you get whenever you go to Disney World and its your last day there. Musical has been such a huge part of my life since about february. All those rehearsals and the hard work everyone put in. Its really been such a blast working with everyone. Not that its been all fun and games. We had some tough times too. But things that you work harder for you appreciate more. Had this musical been easy as pie and hardly any work, the performances would not have been as fun, and the rush that you get when you bow and everyones screaming for you would not have been so wonderful. But now its coming to an end and i feel like once its over, mylife will not be as exciting. Actually more like i will not have any life at all. What little life i had before this started was taken over by the musical and once its over ill have nothing. i know im probably being overdramatic cuz i tend to do that when im exhausted. Especially to the people reading this who werent in the musical. But the people who are will understand. I dont think people realize exactly how much effort we put into it. Thats not a put down to anyone. I would probably think the same thing if i wasnt in it. You kind of have to experience it to really understand. But i really shouldnt be sad. We put on an amazing show and all the long hours and stress and exhaustion we worth every single second of it. Everyone in it should be so proud of themselves. REMEMBER THE PARABOLA OF LAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think too much

2007-04-08T03:02:30Z

I find it extremely ironic that after i post that terribly depressing lj and talk about my cousin with leukemia to my english class and freaking them out, the boy in my grade dies of leukemia. I cant help but wonder if that is a coincedence or maybe a sign. If it is a sign, i would guess that its a bad sign because someone dying is never a good sign for anyone. I dont know if Mark had the same form of leukemia my cousin has or not but it doesnt really matter. I also dont know any of the circumstances in which Mark died but for him to go at this time just hit a little too close to me. If he had died a month ago of course i would have been extremely sad because anyone dying of cancer is an awful thing and no one should have to go through that, especially someone my age. But i dont think i would have had my breath catch in my throat and tried really hard not to cry even though there was no one around to see me. Now after these past couple weeks Marks death seems a whole lot more real to me then it should. And what ive learned is that most of my sympathy does not actually go toward Mark but to his family. Mark is in a better place now. Its sad that hes not with us but now hes happier than he ever was when he was alive. But for his family and close friends who knew him well, all they feel is that hes gone. I wish there was something i could say to comfort them but ive never really been good with words and i think even an experienced speaker could not come up with any words to quench the grief they're feeling. Ive seen the effects the cancer has not only on the victim but everyone whos close to them. I know youre probably going to say, Holly, you think too much." But whenever i think of Mark, i always think of him being strong. He always was strong. Before he got cancer and after. For him to succumb to that horrible disease makes there seem like there's no hope for Ben whos only 6. It is not looking very good for Ben right now but i know that there's always hope. It seems however, that everytime i find some shred of hope, after i push away all those memories of being in that hospital with him, something like this happens that i really cant ignore. God. i really have to stop writing all these depressing entrys. But i think that at least someone i know should read this and know that even if i didnt know Mark personally, i feel for him and his family. And anyone who was close to him, try to take comfort that he is in the best place he could possibly be.

We'll miss you Mark.

GOOD friday

2007-04-06T21:28:30Z

Today was quite an eventful day. I got to sleep in to 11 today cuz my mom finally gave in and said i didnt have to go to school. I read some of a really good book Smitty gave to me and took a REALLY long shower to get the feeling back in my arms and legs. Then i begged my dad to take me to get my permit and he gave in pretty quickly cuz hes not as stubborn as my mom. We waited in the RMV FOREVER!!!!!!! And i thought i was going to kill that mexican baby sitting next to me if he didnt just sit still and not kick the seat. I ended up getting my permit but my picture is HORRIBLE!!! It looks like a mug shot after getting arrested for drunk driving. Really really horrible. I was wicked tired from waiting so long and the light form the camera completely blinded me. Then after, my dad took me to Morning Star to get a cross necklace for my confirmation. There were so many different kinds of crosses and lots of styles. I looked at really fancy ones but im not really the type who likes really fancy things so i ended up on just a plain gold cross. Im really happy with it. Its so shiny, sometimes it looks like it lights up if you hold it a certain way. Then i got to drive home. It was wicked fun but scary and my dad almost had a heart attack ut i think it went pretty well. Im a fairly good driver. I just need to get used to changing between the gas and the brake going up and down hills (which theres alot of in Lunenburg. I actually live at the bottom of a huge one.) Anyways, im so glad its the weekend and i get two more days of freedom before school. I cant believe sunday is easter. My family doesnt celebrate easter too much. Actually my family doesnt really celebrate any holiday all that much. I mean, we acknowledge it but we never go all out like some people do. Im probably just going to sit around eating jelly beans until i have to go to musical. And i guess im going to spend saturday playing Bingo with Richie's grandparents but only if he's going to meet mine. I think he has it easy cuz my grandparents are nice and i only have one set whereas he has two, so i get twice the awkwardness. My grandparents already know about Richie and all my parents had to say was that he was an Italian Catholic and they were sold. I hope his grandparents are that easy.

hollyberry99 @ 2007-04-03T21:09:00

2007-04-04T01:07:51Z

Watching Drake and Josh. And contemplating. Ive been doing that alot. Everything has been put into perspective for me and its very confusing to know that youve been living your whole life with everything noot in perspective. I know i freaked some people out during english on monday with my journal write and im sorry bout that. Maybe i shouldnt have gotten so serious about it. But i was just in such a weird mood that day. I still am but im going back to my normal self. I can still see that girls face even when im awake and im obviously worried about my cousin. In case you dont know, my cousins cancer came back a little while ago and theyve said its spread to his brain and spinal cord. The two places you especially dont want cancer to be. So ive been babysitting his sisters while his parents stay with him at the hospital. Thats why i havent had time for anyone lately. On sunday we brought his sisters to see him. Me and my family were waiting in the family room and there was this little girl there with her mother. She was the saddest girl i have ever seen in my life. Right from her stringy hair to her johnny with teddy bears on it. She looked like those orphaned kids you see on tv, except she was right in front of me. But the worst part was her huge brown eyes staring at me. I know it sounds really weird but her eyes seemed to epitomize every kid with cancer. She looked at me like she wanted me to help her but without self pity. I honestly thought my heart was going to break just from looking at her. I didnt sleep at all that night because her eyes were still staring at me it seemed and i still cant get her out of my head. The purpose of me spilling all this to you is not for you to feel bad for me or even to feel bad for my cousin or that girl. Its just to let you know that no matter how hard things may get, theres always someone who has it worse than you. All these kids look at you like theyre begging you to tell them what it was they did to have them deserve this punishment. They did nothing to deserve this yet there they are going through hell. So basically all im asking is before you wallow in self pity, just know that theres people like that girl who have it so much worse. I used to do it but i cant anymore so maybe its a blessing in disguise for me. So now that ive thouroughly depressed you all, im pretty much done.

Ps. Ms Cheesman prolly thinks im a nutcase.

hollyberry99 @ 2007-04-01T12:15:00

2007-04-01T16:13:50Z

Yeah so Micca was fun. King Buffet was fun. Movies was much fun! lol. It was nice how we got silver. I love how everyone was completely shocked and most people still think its a mistake but whatever. Im not complaining. Im happy we did good though. Ms. Katz really needed something to turn out right for her. I am so pissed about the set. Its going to be so dismal going to practice today. Some people are just so inconsiderate. Ive just realized why i never go to king buffet anymore. Their food sucks!!!!!!!!!! lol i still had fun though. Curtis: "We're going to the king buffet??? Well i guess rat kind of tastes like chicken." lol. Well i ate it and im still alive so i guess its not that bad. At Micca me and liv had much sexy time. BUS BUDDIES!!!!!!!!! And we did at the movies as well although not with each other. lol. TMNT FO EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its like sex on a waffle!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-16T00:13:34Z

My AIM is still being a bitch and i hate it. So i probably wont be on for a while. Feel free to call me though to save me from killing myself. Markus's party should be pretty fun. It gives me something to do at least. Today was Markus's actual birthday. I saw him in the halls and totally forgot and didnt say anything! I felt really bad afterward. Yeah so musical was pretty interesting with me dancing with an imaginary partner and all. Torey better not be absent anymore!!!!!!! Oh wait i forgot. Jesus is my new partner. Im sure he can dance much better than invisiboy as i so aptly named him. Thats how bored i frickin was. Im weird. Anyway. Jesus is my pimp so it should be fantastical. i thought i had more to say but i guess thats it cuz of course i still have a million hours of homework to do and i have to read 4 books for school and for pleasure. And yes, i do read for pleasure. Make fun of me for it and ill strike you over the head with one. And theyre very heavy!!!!!!! I AM AN AVID READERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our treblinka is alive with the glory of love........

2007-03-14T00:25:18Z

Yeah so im pretty much grounded for the rest of the week. No phone or zip. All because my dad was at karate and my mom was sick in bed and she had to run downstairs to stop me and my sister from killing each other. She yelled at us for a while then had to call my dad when i fainted. I hate fainting. I feel so weak when i do. I will tell you why i did. Well let me just tell you that my sister is a vicious person and nothing will stop her when you get her angry enough. Her favorite weapon is her long fingernails. She was clawing me so hard that i now have huge gashes in both my hands. When my mom was yelling at us, i looked down and i saw that my hands were like literally dripping blood and i passed out. God i could never be a nurse. It was only for a second though but i put like a gallon of neosporin on it cuz im convinced my sister has diseases or worms or something i can get from her gross nails. Seriously though, who claws that hard!? The most ive ever done is leave a red mark on her. Ive never drawn blood. My sister however is always out for blood. I should know by now not to put myself in a situation where im fighting her because i am always hurt. My sister literally has no boundaries. If i was ever alone with her and i got her mad enough, she would probably kill me. Im dead serious. Whatever though. Im kind of used to her now. And my hands dont hurt anymore. And if you see me with bandaids on its just cuz im paranoid that its going to get infected.its not still bleeding or anything. Im lucky though this time because normally she goes for the eyes and if she clawed my eyes as hard as she did my hands, i would most definantely be blind as a bat.

what i really meant to say is im sorry for the way i am.........

2007-03-10T23:34:12Z

Bored again. Had a fabulous time last night though. That was the first concert that i went to there where all the bands were awesome. i mean all of them are at least mildly entertaining but i really liked the ones that played last night. Christians and Lions pretty much made my life. They sounded exactly like how they do on cd which is what i like. I hate when you have a really good cd then you see them in concert and they sound like crap. But none of them sounded bad last night. I like Sincerely the Management a lot more than i did. Getting a female singer definately made them a heck of a lot better. I love it when really good bands have girls in them. In the pop culture world girls are always solo artists or back up singers for a male artist. Not that theres anything wrong with those but they're not really my type of music. Its difficult to find a really good band with a female in it at all. Today i went to church at 8:00 in the morning then i spent a lifetime sniffing candles with my mom then the whole fam went to Singapore. Our waitress got into a fight with a crazy guy with a bandage like thing around his head and she ended up yelling at him in chinese. But the guy wasnt chinese so he couldnt understand so he stormed out. Then when shes serving us shes complaining about him to us and she kept calling him a "poopy head" cuz that was the only insult she knew in english. Had she known english im sure we would have heard something a whole lot worse. I wish someone was over right now. im bored out of my mind here and i really dont want to be online but theres nothing else to do. Tomorrow im going to be just as bored im sure cuz no ones gonig to be around. I could have sworn i had a ccd retreat this sunday and i went and told everyone that it was and of course, holly's wrong again cuz its next sunday. I swear no one should listen to a word i say. Its all complete crap. As a matter of fact, stop reading this shit right now.

forgetfulness

2007-03-09T21:39:05Z

It seems like ive been forgetting everything lately. I can barely remember things that happened 5 minutes ago. Maybe its cuz im starved for sleep. Ive been so flippin busy i havent had time for anyone. including myself. Which sucks cuz im one of those people who need lots of time to themselves so just think and whatever. Im sorry to everyone in my math class for having to listen to me fight and im sorry for fighting with you. Im just so touchy lately so im afraid youre going to have to be patient with me and maybe lay off those kinds of jokes for a while.My humor has been rather dry lately. I really do love you so much.I also love my Mandy and Kim who are the sweetest people in the world and they put up with my crap and my boyfriends crap. Im pretty excited for tonite. It should be fun. Oh and btw, i have a myspace now so add me to your friends cuz my comp apparently doesnt want me to have friends and i cant add people. my URL is http://www.myspace.com/165581595. BE MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hell on earth

2007-03-06T23:16:54Z

my house is like a living hell. Everyone is in a bad mood including me. The only thing i hate more than me being in a bad mood is me being in a bad mood along with everyone else because us being the italians we are always have to yell everything and when we're pissed off its like World War Three.
DO YOU WANT SOME SPAGHETTI????!!!!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELL GOOD CUZ I DIDNT MAKE YOU ANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess im just really tired. I know some people can thrive on only a few hours sleep. Doing their homework until the wee hours. Pulling all nighters. And doing a million things at once. Let me tell you right now, i am NOT one of those people. I know alot of you will laugh at this but up until this year, i went to bed every night at around 9 o clock. And i loved it. I always had my homework done and i was always in a good mood even at 7:30 am when most people were still grouchy or sleepy. Now im going to bed around 11 or 11:30 and sometimes i dont do some of my homework in order to go to bed that early. And this is before i started taking drivers ed. Im not used to this extreme lifestyle and ive been acting like a bitch because of it. My temper pretty much goes out the window when im this tired. And yet at the same time, i dont want to change any of it. i love what im doing and most of the time i feel its totally worth all the exhaustion. And with the combination of the crazy musical rehearsals and my running, i feel like im getting in better shape physically. Its just my mental health i'm worrying about now. lol
cuz she be that lady

I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow.
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
Look back and watch me
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore
smack that, oooh.
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.

Up front style. Ready to attack now.
Pull in the parking lot slow with the lack down.
Convicts got the whole thing packed down.
Step in the club. The wardrobe intact now.
I feel it. Go on and crack now.
Ooh, I see it. Don't let back now.
Im'a call her. Then I put the mack down.
Money? No problem. Pocket full of that now.

I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow.
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
Look back and watch me
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore
smack that, oooh.
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.

Ooh! Looks like another club banger.
They better hang on.
When I throw this thang on.
Get a little drink on. They goin' flip.
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
For this Akon shit. You can bank on it.
Pedicure, manicure, kitty cat claws.
The way she climbs up and down them poles.
Lookin' like one of them Pretty Cat Dolls.
Tryna hold my woody back through my drawers.
Steps off stage, didn't think I saw her.
Creeps up behind me and she's like, you're -
I'm like, yeah I know, let's cut to the chase.
No time to waste. Back to my place.
Plus from the club to the crib's like a mile away.
Or more like a palace, shall I say.
And plus I got a pal. Every gal is game.
In fact he's the one singing the song that's playing!
(Akon!)

I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow.
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
Look back and watch me
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore
smack that, oooh.
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh

Eminem's rollin', D an' them rollin'.
Boo an' Oh Marvelous an' them rollin'.
Women just hoin'.
Big booty rollin'.
Soon I be all in them an' throwin D.
Hittin' no less than 3.
Block will style like wee, wee.
Girl, I can tell you want me, 'cause lately.

I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow.
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
Look back and watch me
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore
smack that, oooh.
smack that, all on the floor,
smack that, give me some more,
smack that, 'till you get sore,
smack that, oooh.

For those of you this is addressed to, you know who you are.

You'll be loved like you never have known.............

2007-03-03T19:32:20Z

Im now inhaling a sickening stench that is a horrible mixture of steak and cheese and wet paint. I think im going to throw up. Had fun with my lover Sarah yesterday. Talk about extreme photo op!! After she left i talked on the phone with richie till 11:30 and we only got off cuz his phone died. He really needs a new phone. It dies after like 2 hours. Richie thinks i write in this too often but he writes in it too little so there! So im trying to do this, do my homework, paint my bathroom and write thank you notes at the same time. And i have to say im failing miserably at all of them. I cannot paint for my life. Thats why my room turned out like crap. lol i just wish id get a new frickin rug for my room but my parents said i might have to wait until the fall. I hate it now. Well i gotta finish my painting job so ill ttyl.